The Perfect Partner

The major decisions we have to make in the transition from adolescence to adulthood are three in all. 1. What the right way to serve God is, 2. What career to choose, and 3. Who that right person is with whom to spend the rest of the days. While well meaning friends, teachers and loved ones may help with some suggestions, the individual involved has the decision as he would be solely responsible for the outcome whether good or bad. Yes, as they say, "At the end of a fight, it is the man with broken head that must be at the front."

Expectedly, it is almost generally believed that a relationship with a supernatural being, God, is first in importance. Yet, finding a lifelong partner is most difficult and delicate. Why? It is a major turning point in life. This person is going to be your foremost friend, largely influence your love and hate, affect your decisions, and determine the place, even the fate of long cherished values such as close ties with parents and siblings. In spite of denial, this is the reality. The question is not whether this happens, but who is that man or woman so deserving of the great U-turn in another's life? Who is that perfect partner?

Perfection

People go to great length to search for this right person. To some, the place could be among this people of the same race, tribe or religion. But to others, it could be so far away in some distant foreign land. Still others feel the neighbourhood is okay, perhaps this friend already so close, an acquaintance or just any person one judges right. What is looked for also matters. Is perfection just that gorgeous face, smooth chocolate or stainless silvery body?

And anybody could be right if first, there is freedom to strike a serious relationship. That is the truth. But before you set out in pursuance of the perfect person for you, be sure first, that you are perfect. Or the right person, double-check that you are right yourself. For one thing, it is almost generally difficult to have problems with yourself - our looks and our behaviours. But others do.

Unlike the search for God through the ever present Book of Creation or the pages of holy books such as the Bible depending on who, there are no books with perfect sects of rules on how to locate the ideal mate. There are therefore compelling reasons to begin with self discipline to minimize the risk of starting a journey to endless litany of regrets.

Discipline means your own attitude towards the precious gem or pearl you hope to find. Your ability to locate that perfect partner depends on the kind of person you are yourself. You are willing to share the rest of your life only with someone somehow so flawless. Per adventure such a person is somewhere, are you sure you have those attributes to sustain the much desired qualities in the spouse? Get what I mean.

One of the needs filled by marriage is that of friendship and companionship. Yet some men continue to favour friendship with old pals when they were bachelors over that of their mates even after marriage, spending all the time with them, drinking and living the good old days. Failed to work on their attitude, such ones themselves enter into the union with the wrong one. The wedding day is the end and not the beginning of the journey.

Another matter of concern is this disparaging view of women. Significantly, this prejudice cut across all ethnic and racial boundaries and could be very strong in some cultures and religions. How though could such a man already weakened by this attitude factor hope to survive in the judgement of perfedtion?

Women too have their own personal attitude to contend with. Before turning that artist and painting that illustrious picture of Prince Charming in possession of the elixir that is going to cure all the pains, first paint a picture of yourself, your true self. Afterward, if you continue to feel like Narcissus, who fell in love with a reflection of himself in a pool of water, there should be a few questions about your intellectual honesty.

So, a lot of people get it wrong. It is not what I think about him or her that all mattered, but what does he or she thinks about me should be the first care. If your tongue stamps for instance when you eat, it might not be a problem to you. Do you know though that some couples have obtained divorce for that?

What has worked for some? They take out a pen and paper. They meticulously put down all the attributes they desire in a prospective mate. This could take weeks or even months. When they are sure enough there is no stone unturned, the title is changes to reflect self-examination. The result is often amazing! With just a slight adjustment, it would reflect what the other partner would like or hate.

The One for Me

If you could try it, probably, you are all set for it. With sympathy for your own weaknesses, you are ready to go, make allowances for the unintentional imperfection of the other. Along the way though, major flaws might be encountered. What then?

These are not to be treated lightly, maybe settled with kisses or brood over with passion. Never assume that major flaws in your spouse could be corrected after marriage. Major flaws though, are determined by nobody except the participants in the investigative union. They are the imperfections or traits of your partner you are unable to overlook and accommodate no matter how hard you try. They are warning signs of calamities. Of course there are a few others that give you no concern. So, be wise, keep your distance!

Mohandas K. Ghandhi during his life time, spoke highly of the Bible. Of course, if your religion allows you to read from it, you are fortunate. Though it is the Christian holy book, its lessons are practical for marriage.

But before this is concluded, one question remains. If all the good advice on marriage in the world are applied a perfect couple would result, true or false?

Well, nothing like The Perfect Partners exists anywhere in all the world. The wonderful results however, would be couples close to perfection. It could be yours if you choose.